Cages or wings, which do you prefer? Ask the birds! ...

...Fear or love, baby? Don't say the answer, actions speak louder than words.

[Jonathon Larson, Tick, Tick, Boom!]

You know, I am pretty sure that I check this blog more than anyone else. Sometimes I wonder why have a blog, when I can just do the mass e-mail list-serve thing? (Especially b/c people can't avoid their inboxes, while they actually elect to visit this site.) But you've got to admit that there are other ways to keep in touch. Why do I post it, and why do I check back? Maybe it's that this the closest thing to a tangible link to everyone I love who is far away. ..If you've gotten an e-mail from me recently, then I apologize because this is likely to be most of the same ramblings.

Living in Korea is not easy. That's the best way I can say it. The philosopher in me wants you to read that sentence very carefully. It's not "hard" but rather, "not easy." Make sense? This year was going to be hard no matter what. But it's such a strange thing to live here. Over the last four years, I was able to - for the most part - know what was coming, always. I had class syllabi (syllabuses?) for the immediate future, the Hartke season was set, any important dates or events or even just vacations were already scheduled 2 years ahead on the CUA calender. I planned my courses with all of my four years in mind, so I roughly knew that in 6 months I would be taking such-and-such a TRS course, some Philosophy in area I, drama classes X, Y, and Z and had room for however many electives if I wanted to have Fridays off from classes again. I knew I had a job in the department if I wanted it, and I knew that there would be a number of directing projects, class performances, and student shows that I would have the opportunity perform in throughout the year. ---Take that in for a minute. --- All at once I knew both all to well, and had no idea how secure my life was. And now, I am living in a sort of reciprocal of that existence. (Quite fitting since I am on the opposite side of the world.) In many ways my life is even more predictable. I work at SLP Monday through Friday with the same schedule every week. The material I am teaching isn't nearly as stimulating as the material I was taught in college (I mean, they are six.) so there's no variety there. The curriculum is standard at every school, so I basically just follow the directions in the Teacher's guide. And SLP has fewer holidays than even CUA did so if I wanted, I could sit down for a few hours and write down exactly what I will do for every work day until my contract ends in 2008. ... So one could argue that my life is more secure now than ever. My rent and bills are paid, I could very easily just show up to work and tick the days away ... but then again I could also drive ice picks into my eyes, but I am not about to do that. And I wouldn't say my life is secure either. My job is secure, my well-being is secure. But my life? That's as unpredictable as it has ever been. After 5pm I have no clue what my life holds, or what my "purpose" is. (Oh how Avenue Q ... apologies) I don't know if I will get the chance to act here, although I highly suspect that I will. I don't know who I will meet - or even if I will make any lasting friendships. I can't know what my definition is. For nearly 22 years I was a "student" and now? Well we definitely know I'm not about to check "Teacher" with any sort of universal pride (no offense to anyone who is...) and if I can't find a theater here, would I really check "actor"? And while that can all seem very overwhelming, I believe that it's the best situation I could be in. College was the place that I learned what I want and practiced how to get it. It was hard work (note: not 'not easy') to get through and because of that we were rewarded with more play time and the social acceptance of debauchery. But real life doesn't work in such a simple way. It is much more sophisticated in the way it unfolds. "Real life" (if there is such a thing) doesn't force you to see the opportunities it gives you. In college you know they will come, and then you are beat over the head with them. Real life takes much more patience and faith. To achieve what one wants, or even; to live the life one is fated for, one must keep an open mind so that he or she is able to see the chances presented to them. I love that subtlety ... to me it makes every day more exciting. A lecture by a professor at Carnegie Mellon University named Randy Pausch has been circulating youtube. In this "Last Lecture" he says something that I know I will be quoting for the rest of my life and that's that, "Luck is where preparation meets opportunity." I don't know ... just some food for thought.



Peace,
Erica